75 Simple and Powerful Ways to Influence Anyone – ‘Win People Over’ by Karen Leong

{ Book Review }

I do not usually do book reviews. But as my publisher had gotten in touch regarding this new book, I said I’ll review the book if I like it. ;)

Win People Over

I was impressed by the title – “Win People Over: 75 Simple and Powerful Ways to Influence Anyone’ – then found it was not exactly the kind of tips I was expecting. Each ‘tip’ is more like a summary note after each chapter. You just have to read the entire book from cover to cover, and not expect to be able to “pluck” out one tip from the book, apply it in isolation from the rest and have it work for you.

What are some things I learnt from this book?

1) The extent to which people like you and respect you determines how much influence you have over them.

2) I have a bit of a Power Distant character (pg 35), which occasionally causes people to perceive me as being arrogant. Thing is, I do spend time building relationships with people I care about. I’m indeed “competitive”, “go-getter”, “demanding” and “critical” – some not-too-friendly traits of Power Distant folk. Having said that, I’m nice most of the time lah. :P

[The book grows on you as you get beyond the first few chapters. I could tell the author was slowly getting into the groove of book-writing. I love the examples presented, by the way.]

3) I think everyone should read the 10 tips for making great first impressions (pg 84). And also tweak some of the questions we tend to ask people we don’t really know yet: Instead of “what do you do?”, ask “what do you enjoy about the work you do?”. Also, “how do you manage to keep a work-life balance?” and “how can I help you?”.

4) We have a “word” to describe each person in our social circles. And this word determines how we behave towards the person and therefore, also determines how the person responds too. If you ever find yourself labeling someone as “selfish”, for instance, try changing that word to “misunderstood” and see how things work out.

5) In Part Three of the book, the 5 Cs of Compelling Influence are extremely valuable. You absolutely have to read this segment. :)

I can tell that this book is indeed Karen’s ‘labor of love’. What I found missing from a book about connecting with and influencing people is a segment on body language and posture. I thought these are essential. But Karen does present a lot of useful information in this 160-page book and I do highly recommend you read it. :)

Retail Price of this book: S$23.54 (online discount here)

My First Foreword For A Book! :D

Late last year, I received an email from Teo Aik Cher, author of a series of bestsellers and a sought-after illustrator. He had put together the manuscript for ‘Why Persevere? A Teenager’s Guide to Going the Distance in Life’ and would like me to write the foreword.

[I have written a couple of testimonials for books by other authors, but a foreword is a first, and truly an honor!]

The book has now been published, and you’ll find two-and-a-half pages by me inside. :D

Why Persevere

I am very glad Aik Cher wrote this book, Why Persevere?, and very honored that he chose me to write this foreword.

As a teenager, I did not have good looks, and I also did not do very well in school. In secondary school, I was bullied by some notorious school bullies and I never quite excelled in Mathematics or Science. By Secondary Three, I was in the ‘third best class’ from the bottom. But I never gave up on myself.

I set a goal back in Secondary Three to be the top ‘O’-Level student of my school. It was a crazy goal, some would say. Some teachers refused to teach when they came to my class, because many students were either reading comic books in class, chit-chatting, or simply daydreaming.

Every single day during assembly, I looked at the plaque with the names of the top students from the previous years, and I visualized my own name up there as well.

With dogged determination, I persevered, studied smart, never gave up, and now my name is on that same plaque. I did become the top ‘O’-Level student for my school.

Success never comes easily. One teacher once told my class this: “If you want something badly enough, you will get it.” And I have lived by that since.

Several years ago, I quit my job to be a full-time blogger. It has not been an easy journey, but I have had fun. I interview successful people for my blog and have encountered so many rejections, I have lost count. For one interview, I had to ‘chase’ my interviewee for 10 months, via 12 emails. Why did I persevere? Because I wanted that interview badly, and I was not going to be stopped.

Many people look at obstacles and tell themselves they cannot do it. The fact is, you can, and you must. In school, I thought the 2.4km run was a pain. But I kept training until I got the gold award for my physical fitness test. Last year, I ran a 5km race and this year, I am running a 10km one. The 2.4km distance has become ‘easy peasy’ for me.

So don’t whine about the obstacle. Make yourself stronger than it!

One of the things I have not been able to do yet is the chin-up. But I am working with personal trainers now in order to reach that goal. As motivational trainer Nick Vujicic once shared, the only limits you have are the limits you place on yourself.

So, my friends, why must you persevere? Because there are no limits. Believe in yourself, set your goals and go achieve them!

To Your Success,

Grace Tan
Award-winning business and lifestyle blogger
Best-selling Author of Blogging For A Living

938LIVE Interview: 4 Dec 2013

So… I got interviewed on 938LIVE yet again. My 3rd time there in just over 3 years of blogging! :D

Cozy enough to take a selfie in the studio :D

938LIVEI spoke with DJ Daphne Lim about Blogging and also about my book ‘Blogging For A Living’. Not bothering with podcasts or recordings since the program has an encore broadcast on Thurs at 2pm. :D

Here are some of the questions sent to me before the interview. We obviously didn’t keep to the list and some new questions were added on the spot. (@_@)

Questions edited for clarity:

1) What is the main source of income for your blog?

Advertorials, which are paid, full-length blogposts.

I am an accidental full-time blogger. I started this blog as my excuse to interview famous people and find out their secrets to success. My blog became my platform for securing these interviews.

When people started asking me to interview them, I did so and charged a fee. That’s how it began!

2) A good blog would be raking in $$?

A good blog can be raking in no money at all. :D

The term “good” itself is highly subjective.

A blog with a significant amount of traffic coupled with a blogger open to advertising revenue, should bring in a decent sum of money each month.

Having said that, some bloggers simply do not want to monetize their popular blogs. And other bloggers want to make money out of their not-very-popular-yet blogs.

3) How stable is the advertising income?

It definitely is *NOT* stable at all.

4) How much time do you spend on the blog (is it equivalent to the 9-5)?

Of course not. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have left my corporate job, which paid me $114,000 (annual income), where I worked all week and had no life.

I work less than 4 hours a week on my blog. Probably 3 hours.

5) Is there an equivalent occupation that the blogger is usurping?

Not that I can think of. Most bloggers in Singapore are kind and friendly. *wink wink* :D

6) How sustainable is an occupation like this is, in the long-run, with the development of technology?

I’m no fortune teller. I do not know if there will still be blogs 2 years down the road. But people who love social media, who love expressing their thoughts and ideas, will move with the times, and leverage on technology, to constantly invent and reinvent themselves.

7) Blogs are a dime a dozen, how do you make sure yours is seen, heard of, and shared?

By being featured on worthy programs like this one. :D

8) Is anyone who wants to start a blog NOW just too late in the game?

Of course not. Great, new ideas are always welcome.

9) UI and Design and flow is something quite different from creating content, and giving valuable opinions, is it necessary to hire a professional to handle that for you?

I don’t run a professional website. I do not have the expertise nor the inclination. Still, it is always wise to outsource tasks which you cannot perform as well as others.

I handle most things myself – from photography, to editing, to handling advertisers’ queries.

10) *One of those extra questions* Something along the lines of “The blogosphere is already saturated with blogs. Can I possibly find a niche to blog about?

Certainly! Despite the millions of books already published, I could still publish one more – ‘Blogging For A Living’. Many bloggers are unwilling to share their secrets to success, so I found that there would be demand for such a book. :) You can definitely find a great idea for a new blog!

Final words: Blogging is not the easiest thing to do. But it’s a lot of fun for me. I enjoy blogging. Hence, as long as I am able to, I will blog. :)

If you have a question, or if you want to attend a blogging workshop, drop me an email at gracewwg [at] gmail [dot] com.

To Your Blogging Success,

Grace Tan :)


Sunday Siesta 1: Book Review ‘The River’s Song’ by Suchen Christine Lim

[The Sunday Siesta series: You'll find no advertorials and no sponsored posts. Just recommendations of stuff I really like, in no more than 3 paragraphs! Every Sunday! :) ]

The River's Song by Suchen Christine Lim

I borrowed this book from the library on Thursday evening, and completed reading it before I went to bed. The book is riveting from page one!

A story about love and loss, about family secrets left untold, about identity, about the magical world of music. And above all, “the social upheaval created by the rise of Singapore”. Wonder about the history behind the pristine Singapore River as we know it today and try to imagine being one of the thousands of squatters and hawkers evicted from the river.

In all honesty, I had never once thought about the people displaced from the Singapore River because of the cleanup ordered by the Prime Minister (Lee Kuan Yew) at that time. You’ll read this book and think “Yah! What happened to those guys?” I read this book and I began to understand why Suchen Christine Lim is “one of Singapore’s most distinguished writers” and winner of the Inaugural Singapore Literature Prize (1992). How did I fail to get one of her novels as a Literature text in school? Hmm…


Book Talks at Kinokuniya: A Guide For First-Time Authors

Just yesterday, I did my first book talk (in a bookstore) EVER. For first-time authors, doing a book talk can be utterly terrifying, and many things can go wrong. So here’s what I have learnt, and hopefully, it’ll be useful to you when you plan for your book talk or Meet-The-Author sessions in a bookstore in future.

My Top 10 Tips:

#1: Ensure you have your friends come by to ‘fill up’ those seats that have been prepared!

Kino friends

There will usually be about 10 foldable plastic chairs provided by Kinokuniya. Ensure you have invited enough friends to come by. Some may fall ill, forget to turn up, or have other commitments on the day itself, so ensure you get the word out to as many people as possible. Or you’ll find yourself speaking to some empty plastic chairs during your session. ;)

#2: Do something to attract the ‘crowd’ in Kinokuniya

Kino Meet The Author sessionBefore my session began, a flipchart stand had been set up (because of my request), and I wrote on it “How To Make $MONEY$ From BLOGGING”. It was a surefire way to get some eyeballs, and have some people hang around to wait for me to share about these money-making ways.

At some point during my session, I realized the entire area was packed… so many people were just standing around listening to me. It was indeed a “WOW” moment.

I did my ‘research’ by attending a prior Meet-The-Author session held by a novelist. She had friends come sing Peranakan songs, and another friend prepare achar and pineapple tarts. I thought it was a fantastic idea! You can think along those lines and hand out balloons to children or food to the bookstore patrons (or something) to have them come over and hear you speak. ;)

#3: Ensure your ‘host’ or ‘emcee’ turns up. My ‘emcee’ turned up late – I have no idea what time he arrived, but it was later than the time we had agreed upon. So I got another friend to take over the emcee-ing role and we went ahead with the session.

Send a car for your emcee or meet the person for lunch prior to the session or just find someone reliable.

#4: Have a list of questions for your emcee to ask you, as the usual ‘bookstore crowd’ is unlikely to volunteer their questions during Q&A. So have your emcee ask you some questions first.

#5: Get an emcee who can ‘warm up’ the crowd. Unlike the people you meet at a party, or networking event, the people in a bookstore are usually rather reserved, content to go about their own business or bury their nose in a book, so find someone adept at making people laugh and get ready for a good time.

#6: Expect that something unexpected could happen.

A lady suddenly began speaking rather loudly at the back, to my horror. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but a friend later told me that she was upset someone was taking photos during my session and apparently blocking her view, so she was scolding him.

Erm… people in Singapore are definitely not an emotionless bunch. They are actually very stressed up. So be prepared to handle some unexpected situations. :D

#7: You don’t have to worry about bringing stationery.

Kinokuniya provided everything from flipchart markers to pens for my autograph-signing session.

Just come prepared with something to share.

#8: The bookstore manager will present you with a token of their appreciation for your time. So do not be taken by surprise.

I’d already known it’ll happen so I had a gift ready for her and her staff. :)

Whatever you do, make sure you turn up for the session, because the bookstore has already done some ‘marketing’ about your event! An Internet Marketer, whose book was launched about the same time as mine (his book cover has a plane in it. You know who) and I was told that he had not turned up at his session because he had other money-making plans elsewhere. It’ll probably be tough if he wants to speak at Kino again in future. ;)

#9: Attend another author’s book talk or Meet-The-Author session (at the same venue) to understand the event flow and learn about crowd management, how to engage your audience, etc.

#10: Nothing can substitute practice and being prepared.

Do a visualization exercise: ‘run through’ the whole session in your head. Visualize how it will all pan out.

Come prepared to share something of value to your audience. Some of them may have never heard of you or your new book. So go ‘wow’ them! :)

Good Luck, my fellow author! :)


My Dream Job Is…

When I still held a full-time job in the corporate world, I dreamed of the day:

1) I don’t have to jostle with the crowd during peak hours [I hate feeling like canned sardine]

2) I can take off for a holiday as and when I want [Seek approval for leave? No way!]

3) I can savor mom’s cooking without telling her “No, I can’t be back for dinner. Have to work.” [No more OT without pay, boss!]

And you already know what’s coming…

I scored that dream job! :D

Does Blogging pay the bills?

Not all the time, not for everyone, and certainly not at the start, as most bloggers will tell you.

On page 11 of my book ‘Blogging For A Living’, I make a ‘guesstimate’ of how much top blogger, Wendy Cheng aka Xiaxue earns per month. Read my book to find out more. ;)

If you’d like to become a successful blogger, learn from other bloggers, like I do. :)

Question: What do these top bloggers have in common?

Brad Lau Lady Iron Chef


Dr Leslie Tay ieatishootipost

Let me know what your answer is? ;)

Grace Tan blogger Singapore

*Receiving my blog award from Minister Lawrence Wong*

Receiving my award from Minister Lawrence Wong

My Tips on how to get started with blogging

1) Pick a topic of interest [Think not about monetisation first]

2) Set up your blog [I recommend WordPress]

3) Post [and post some more]

I provide a step-by-step guide to setting up your blog and uploading your first blogpost in my book ‘Blogging For A Living’.

To find out more about my blogging journey, and to check out my interviews with top bloggers in Singapore, purchase a copy of my book from any of the major bookstores and stand to win a prize from my S$1000 Sk-II Giveaway:

SK-II Giveaway

Come by for my book launch on 12th October, 2pm, at Kinokuniya’s flagship store at Ngee Ann City to grab a copy of my book, get an autograph and have a photo taken together! :D See you then!

No Limits with Nick Vujicic: One Heck Of A Motivational Speaker

938LIVE Nick Vujicic No Limits Postcard

I was one of the lucky 5,000 who managed to get tickets to watch Nick Vujicic LIVE in Singapore, at The Star Performing Arts Centre, next to Buona Vista MRT Station! :D Were you at the event too?


Got to the venue in a taxi and was pleasantly surprised to find out that the cabby is none other than Halim Haron, a former national champion bodybuilder! He now drives a cab on weekends, and is a fitness instructor on weekdays. I even got some fitness tips during the journey – totally worth every cent paid! Haha!

Halim Haron


Tickets to “No Limits” were sold out within 5 days (so apparently, there were limits to the number of seats! Ha!).

For those who were unable to attend the event, I’d like to share my notes with you right here. So, if it’s of use to you, leave me a comment, even if it’s just to say “thanks!” ok? :D

“When you concentrate on the things you don’t have, you forget what you DO have.”

You are valuable, no matter what. You are beautiful.

Heard about FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real?

How can you get courage? PURPOSE ignites courage.

8 principles:

(1) Have an attitude of gratitude. Be thankful for what you have.

(2) You don’t know what you can achieve till you TRY!

(3) If you fail, try again.

Keep trying to reach your fullest potential without comparing yourself with anyone else.

The greatest things in life are not things!

Be yourself, not anyone else!

Don’t let your appearance define who you are.

Take one day at a time. Be thankful.

Have you forgiven yourself of the past?

(4) Failure = Education

You are not a failure.

(5) Obstacles can be transformed into opportunities.
Don’t know something? Now’s your chance to learn to do it.

(6) Dream BIG

(7) Never ever ever EVER give up!

(8) Have faith

If you don’t get a miracle, you can still be a miracle for someone else.

Go and help the poor. Pray for those who don’t have food.
Do your best. God will do the rest.
Use what you are great at as a confidence booster. Focus on what you have, what you are good at.

Have clarity about which things you can change and which things you just cannot change.

Having trouble asking for help???
Nick’s answer: Be willing to ask for help so people can partake in your success to come because they have helped you.

Learn to delegate. Find trustworthy people. If you give someone a task, he’ll not do it exactly the way you want. Learn to let go.
Some things you just can’t compromise about, but for other things, you can!

Finally, one last thing that Nick said that really resonated with me was this: “I want people to want to work with me. Not because of money but because they want to work with me.”

Thanks for popping by Working With Grace. :) I hope you have been inspired. Let’s all have a ridiculously good life, just like Nick’s! :D

Book Hunt For S$1000 SK-II Products

*Important Update* Some people have told me that they can’t find my book in the bookstores. Will be getting my publisher to send more copies to the bookstores. Please CALL the stores before making your way down to avoid disappointment. Have the bookstores reserve a copy for you before heading down. *wink* :D


As mentioned in my book, ‘Blogging For A Living’, SK-II is one of my favorite sponsors. And it is no wonder why as their products may be pricey, but they actually are worth every penny!

I’m pleased to give away S$1,000 worth of SK-II products to people who take part in my Book Hunt! :)

SK-II Giveaway

What’s a Book Hunt? Well, you’ve heard of Easter Egg Hunts, right? Mine’s a Book Hunt because I have a new book, and as a new (local) author, my book probably wouldn’t get a ‘prominent shelf’ in many bookstores, so you’ll really need to hunt for it! Plus, some bookstores may already have run out of stock of my book! :)

Here’s how the game is played:

1) Purchase my book, ‘Blogging For A Living’, from a bookstore near you.

Clarence and Blogging For A Living book

2) Snap a picture of YOU holding my book, AND a picture of the receipt with your name written clearly on it in either blue or black ink. [Keep your receipt for prize collection]

3) Send these two pictures to bfalbook@gmail.com

Prizes: Facial Treatment Essence (x3), Facial Treatment Mask, Signs Eye Mask, Stempower, Cellumination Deep Surge Ex. Each item is worth over S$100.

There will thus be 7 winners! Depending on the response, I may also add more products to this prize list! :) In fact, I want EVERYONE who takes part to win a prize. My promise to you: You’ll love this book (either for reading it yourself, or as a gift to a friend) and I’ll ensure you win something just for taking part.



Like all games, there’s the smarter way of playing the game. ;)

Instead of running around to all bookstores trying to find my book, you can simply… PICK UP THE PHONE! :D You can call bookstores to inquire if they have an available copy of my book, place a reservation, then pick it up. It is really that simple. And I’ll even give you the numbers for the major bookstores:

1) MPH

Raffles City: 6336 4232

PARCO Millenia: 6336 4232

Robinson Road: 6222 6423

2) Kinokuniya [website]

Singapore Main Store (Ngee Ann City)
Tel: +65 6737 5021

Liang Court Store
Tel: +65 6337 1300

Bugis Junction Store
Tel: +65 6339 1790

Jurong Store
Tel: +65 6430 0868

3) Times [website]

JCube: 66844150

Jelita: 6466 5702

Tampines 1: 6782 7017

Centrepoint: 6734 9022

Marina Square: 6334 4650

Paragon: 6836 6182

Plaza Singapura: 63368861

4) Popular Bookstores -> Full list of contact numbers HERE

So hurry, pick up the phone or head down to your nearest bookstore and ask for a copy of ‘Blogging For A Living’ now! :D

This book hunt ends on 12th October, 2013, 23:59hrs. Send me your photos by the 12th! :)

Good luck, my dear book hunters! :D

Blogging For A Living

*The Original Receipt MUST be produced for prize collection.

*This Book Hunt is currently only for people residing in Singapore. My book will be heading across the Causeway to Malaysia soon, so, Malaysian fans, hang on for a bit. You will get an equally awesome book hunt very soon! :)

*You may purchase multiple copies of my book and submit (multiple) individual entries for this book hunt. 1 entry = 1 chance to win an SK-II prize!

*For people in all other countries: If you’d like to purchase an autographed copy of my book, email me at gracewwg@gmail.com [shipping costs will apply]


Update: Those who have already purchased the book from me do not automatically qualify to win these prizes. You actually have to take part in this book hunt and purchase a copy of the book from the bookstores (as a gift for someone else?).  Reason:

1) When purchasing from me, you get my autograph (hehe!)

2) I bear all postage and shipping costs

3) You don’t have to pay GST

4) You have likely gotten yourself entry into my blogging workshop for free (usual price: S$250)

So, thank you for the support! If you’d really like to win one of these SK-II prizes, do take part in the book hunt just like everyone else. :)

Thanks, everybody, thanks! :D

*Final Update* I gave away a bottle of SK-II Facial Treatment Essence at my Meet-The-Author session at Kinokuniya today (12/10/13) to SY, the FIRST person to take part in this book hunt! :D All other winners will be contacted via email. Thanks for taking part!

*The Lucky Book Hunter – very camera shy*


Blogging For A Living – My Book’s Finally Published! :D

Mere words cannot express my joy! :D

After thinking about publishing a book for years, and after many long months of actually writing one, my first book is finally ready to meet the world!

Blogging For A Living book


The book is not just about my own blogging journey. It also features interviews with 6 of Singapore’s top bloggers, such as Alvin (alvinology.com), Daniel (danielfooddiary.com) and Celes (personalexcellence.co).

Find out everything you have ever wanted to know about Blogging – from how to set up a blog, to how much money bloggers ACTUALLY make, to how YOU can start a blog and monetize it.

In this book, I have revealed some things I have never, EVER revealed before – such as that email I sent that got me the interview with Peter Buffett, who is Warren Buffett’s son. You want to know what’s in that email?

Grab a copy of my book now at bookstores (S$22 before GST)

You can also purchase an autographed copy from me at S$22 (no GST). I will also MAIL YOU THE BOOK AT NO EXTRA CHARGE! :)

All you need to do is:

1) Make payment of S$22 to POSB Savings 126-85658-0

2) Take a snapshot of the receipt and send an email to gracewwg@gmail.com with subject “BFAL book payment done!”. Include your mailing address so I can mail you an autographed copy! :)

For Overseas Buyers:

1) Make payment of S$23 (1 extra dollar to [partially] cover PayPal fees and shipping) to gracemg@gmail.com via PayPal: https://www.paypal.com/sg/webapps/mpp/make-online-payments

2) Email me (gracewwg@gmail.com) when that is done with subject title “BFAL PayPal payment done”, and provide me with your mailing address! :)

Grab your copy of Blogging For A Living now! :D

[New Book Giveaway] And 4 Steps To Thinking & Feeling Better Instantly

My friend, Jacky Chua, an author and professional coach, has recently published his second book ‘Tame Your Emotions – A Practical Guide To Overcoming Everyday Challenges‘.

I was really keen on reading this book as it shares with us the techniques of getting out of a negative state of mind and into a more empowering state so we can achieve the outcomes we desire. Isn’t that useful? :)

I love how he selected 4 of his coachees to be featured in his book and they give their honest, no-holds-barred account of their own emotional struggles and how they emerged stronger.

I found the book uplifting and loved how the personal stories made the book an even more valuable and engaging read. You’ll tap into not only the wisdom of one man, but that of 4 others too!

Best part is I took only slightly over an hour to complete reading the book. Sure, I know how to speed-read but it helped that this book is an easy read.

Some nuggets of wisdom I extracted from the book and scribbled into my notebook:

“In any relationship, if you are not adding value to it, by default, you are a liability” [That sure set me thinking!]

“There are only three things that you can control in your life: the thoughts you think, the words you say and the things you do.” [And most of the time, don't we try to control what others think (of us), what words they spout, and their actions?]

“Avoid becoming emotionally bankrupt.”

“mix with the people whom you aspire to emulate”

“Just because no one else has done it yet, it does not mean that you cannot do it.”

“Treat all whom you meet as if they matter, because they do.”

“Dream big, start small.”

“…becoming a person of worth is more important than the destination.”

Good news! I’m giving away TWO AUTOGRAPHED COPIES of his latest book! :)


1) ‘Like’ my Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/thegracetan

2) ‘Like’ the ‘Tame Your Emotions’ giveaway post

3) ‘Share’ the ‘Tame Your Emotions’ giveaway post

And you can be one of two lucky winners! The book will be delivered to you! :)

Right now… everyone can be a winner because I asked Jacky to share the 4 steps to thinking and feeling better instantly…


Because emotions are a product of our thoughts, you can change any way you feel in any particular situation, to any way you would like to feel, just by tweaking those thoughts.

Step 1: Be consciously AWARE

A conscious awareness of your thoughts is essential to contain any negative emotion from escalating when it is brewing, preventing it from causing potential threats to your well-being, and saving you from regrettable decisions. You will always know when a particular undesirable emotion rears its ugly head. The next time you experience a self-talk or random thought that does not make you feel good, capture it. The battle to maintain a neutral state of mind is half won. But in order to secure a sure-win you will have to do more than just being aware of it.

Step 2: Read the Intended Message

Only by understanding what the intended message is behind common negative emotions will you be better able to cope with them. Going past the effects of these emotions and extracting the messages encoded within grants you the power to make the necessary changes. For example, anger surfaces when a rule or standard, especially one that is closely associated to your values and beliefs, has been violated by others, or perhaps even yourself.  To free yourself from the shackles of anger, you can disrupt it by asking what circumstance led you to be angry, what you can take away from this episode and how you can communicate the importance of these standards (which makes you unique) so they will not be violated by people again.

Step 3: Take Responsibility

Despite addressing a brewing emotion and grasping the intended message, it is not sufficient to change the state of mind just yet. You will have to take full responsibility for harbouring that thought, which leads you to feel in that particular manner. Only by doing so will you be able to progress towards shifting your state of mind away from the undesirable one. While you may not be the cause in the chain of events which placed you in that state, but you can and have the right to choose if you want to be affected by it. For example, someone may taunt you and try to make you angry, but you have the right to decide if you WANT to be angry. It is a choice you can utilise; option you can exploit; a power which you can wield.

Step 4: Rationalise

This final step to liberate you from the negative state will only work after you have gone through the first three steps. To finally be able to change your state of mind to the desired one that you wish to be in, you will have to justify it with facts, figures and proofs. Only by rationalising and straightening out your thoughts can you find freedom from the cage of negativity. Try asking yourself the following questions when being affected by negative emotions.

• Is this a one-time event or one that has been continuously repeated?

• Is the event triggered by similar catalysts?

• Is this situation beyond your capability to handle?

At first, you will find it hard to go through all the four processes and you may be stuck along the way. But with regular practice, you will move through them with ease and within a shorter time frame each time. Once you are able to do that, you will find that you can actually save yourself a lot of time coming to a conclusion or gaining closure to move on, time which otherwise you will spend dwelling in the negative state.


I hope the 4 steps above will be of use to you! :)

If you’d like to make a bulk order of Jacky’s new book ‘Tame Your Emotions’, head over to www.tameyouremotions.com

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~ Grace :)