My friend, Jacky Chua, an author and professional coach, has recently published his second book ‘Tame Your Emotions – A Practical Guide To Overcoming Everyday Challenges‘.
I was really keen on reading this book as it shares with us the techniques of getting out of a negative state of mind and into a more empowering state so we can achieve the outcomes we desire. Isn’t that useful? :)
I love how he selected 4 of his coachees to be featured in his book and they give their honest, no-holds-barred account of their own emotional struggles and how they emerged stronger.
I found the book uplifting and loved how the personal stories made the book an even more valuable and engaging read. You’ll tap into not only the wisdom of one man, but that of 4 others too!
Best part is I took only slightly over an hour to complete reading the book. Sure, I know how to speed-read but it helped that this book is an easy read.
Some nuggets of wisdom I extracted from the book and scribbled into my notebook:
“In any relationship, if you are not adding value to it, by default, you are a liability” [That sure set me thinking!]
“There are only three things that you can control in your life: the thoughts you think, the words you say and the things you do.” [And most of the time, don't we try to control what others think (of us), what words they spout, and their actions?]
“Avoid becoming emotionally bankrupt.”
“mix with the people whom you aspire to emulate”
“Just because no one else has done it yet, it does not mean that you cannot do it.”
“Treat all whom you meet as if they matter, because they do.”
“Dream big, start small.”
“…becoming a person of worth is more important than the destination.”
Good news! I’m giving away TWO AUTOGRAPHED COPIES of his latest book! :)
HOW TO WIN
1) ‘Like’ my Facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/thegracetan
2) ‘Like’ the ‘Tame Your Emotions’ giveaway post
3) ‘Share’ the ‘Tame Your Emotions’ giveaway post
And you can be one of two lucky winners! The book will be delivered to you! :)
Right now… everyone can be a winner because I asked Jacky to share the 4 steps to thinking and feeling better instantly…
Because emotions are a product of our thoughts, you can change any way you feel in any particular situation, to any way you would like to feel, just by tweaking those thoughts.
Step 1: Be consciously AWARE
A conscious awareness of your thoughts is essential to contain any negative emotion from escalating when it is brewing, preventing it from causing potential threats to your well-being, and saving you from regrettable decisions. You will always know when a particular undesirable emotion rears its ugly head. The next time you experience a self-talk or random thought that does not make you feel good, capture it. The battle to maintain a neutral state of mind is half won. But in order to secure a sure-win you will have to do more than just being aware of it.
Step 2: Read the Intended Message
Only by understanding what the intended message is behind common negative emotions will you be better able to cope with them. Going past the effects of these emotions and extracting the messages encoded within grants you the power to make the necessary changes. For example, anger surfaces when a rule or standard, especially one that is closely associated to your values and beliefs, has been violated by others, or perhaps even yourself. To free yourself from the shackles of anger, you can disrupt it by asking what circumstance led you to be angry, what you can take away from this episode and how you can communicate the importance of these standards (which makes you unique) so they will not be violated by people again.
Step 3: Take Responsibility
Despite addressing a brewing emotion and grasping the intended message, it is not sufficient to change the state of mind just yet. You will have to take full responsibility for harbouring that thought, which leads you to feel in that particular manner. Only by doing so will you be able to progress towards shifting your state of mind away from the undesirable one. While you may not be the cause in the chain of events which placed you in that state, but you can and have the right to choose if you want to be affected by it. For example, someone may taunt you and try to make you angry, but you have the right to decide if you WANT to be angry. It is a choice you can utilise; option you can exploit; a power which you can wield.
Step 4: Rationalise
This final step to liberate you from the negative state will only work after you have gone through the first three steps. To finally be able to change your state of mind to the desired one that you wish to be in, you will have to justify it with facts, figures and proofs. Only by rationalising and straightening out your thoughts can you find freedom from the cage of negativity. Try asking yourself the following questions when being affected by negative emotions.
• Is this a one-time event or one that has been continuously repeated?
• Is the event triggered by similar catalysts?
• Is this situation beyond your capability to handle?
At first, you will find it hard to go through all the four processes and you may be stuck along the way. But with regular practice, you will move through them with ease and within a shorter time frame each time. Once you are able to do that, you will find that you can actually save yourself a lot of time coming to a conclusion or gaining closure to move on, time which otherwise you will spend dwelling in the negative state.
I hope the 4 steps above will be of use to you! :)
If you’d like to make a bulk order of Jacky’s new book ‘Tame Your Emotions’, head over to www.tameyouremotions.com
To connect with Jacky on Facebook, go to www.facebook.com/jackychua.coach
To win an autographed copy of ‘Tame Your Emotions’, head over to http://www.facebook.com/thegracetan
~ Grace :)