Enneagram: Helping You Understand Your “Difficult” Spouse Better

I’ve previously blogged about my interview with a dating and relationship coach, Cindy Leong. She’d also explained my Enneagram test results to me during a 1-to-1 coaching session, and I began to understand why couples whose marriages are in trouble look for her and take the Enneagram test as well. People who have been single for a while now and are unable to attract the “right one” can also find some answers via this test. Read on as I share my own test results so you get to know me a bit better. 😀



Put simply, the Enneagram test involves 200 questions (MCQ-style) and helps determine which of the 9 “types” / ‘styles’ you identify most with.

“Bear in mind that your scores may change over time but your “type” is inbuilt and your environment continues to reinforces it. This is unlike DISC, which is a “trait instrument” and changes with situation, Enneagram is a “type instrument”. Having that said, you are not boxed into a single type. When we say you are a particular type, it just means you are more dominant in this type but all other 8 types reside in you, but your most comfortable/preferred type is this particular one. We liken it to a baseball team. You will have your star player, mid fielders and reserves.” – Cindy Leong

Here’s why the Enneagram test is useful:

1) It helps you understand yourself better

I belong to Type 8. Here’s a quick description of Type 8 people: “EIGHTS are attracted to and appreciate power. They endeavor to be strong, independent, straightforward, assertive persons, who use their strength and influence to make the world a more just place. They value equity, the equal distribution of power, and show a concern for the underprivileged and disenfranchised. EIGHTS are chiefly concerned with being their own person, doing their own thing, and protecting their own people and interests”. 

Of course, there’s the other side of things. For instance, some Type 8s may “frequently desire and actively seek revenge when … unfairly treated”.

The report goes on to state:

“When you are stressed, you may become occupied with vengeful fantasies. Your ability to discern others’ weaknesses may get expressed in cruel or even violent ways. Try letting your ability to see the bigger picture help you get in touch with your natural compassion, so that you can be kinder and more humane to yourself and to others”.

I’m 100% convinced by the result, based on Type 8s I know. It also gives an accurate assessment of my inclinations, and also provides “advice” on how I can use certain good traits to counter the not-so-good ones. This report is SPOT ON. 

I haven’t found something I disagree with in the results yet. One other thing that was mentioned about how I may “dislike and avoid situations where there is poor leadership” is also stunningly true. I don’t like wishy-washy leaders and I value decisiveness.

2) It helps you understand others around you better

If you know more about the 9 types, what makes each one tick, what pisses each one off, and how they would like people to relate to them, it makes your life easier – whether you are a husband, boyfriend, salesperson, colleague, boss, etc.

From the session, I could roughly tell which types/styles my loved ones most identify with, but of course, it still won’t be as accurate as if they’d taken the test themselves.

3) It helps your loved ones understand you better

I’ll be sharing these results with my fiancé so he knows what married life’s gonna be like. Muahaha. What I love about him, though, is that he’s cool when I’m impulsive and aggressive, he makes me laugh whenever I’m stressed out, and he helps me appreciate the joys of just being alive. 🙂

And what’s not so useful about the Enneagram test? Well, for one, if you are having trouble with your mother-in-law, you won’t be able to force her to take the test. And two, even if you’re taking the test yourself, bear in mind that you have to answer all 200 questions in one sitting. If you have a “monkey brain”, then the results may not be as reliable. *wink*

Here are some Enneagram events you might be interested in:

1st August – introductory talk about Enneagram


7-8 August – intensive boot camp for singles + in-depth session on Enneagram

Relationship Rediscovery Adventure