Over the past two weeks, I had the privilege of coaching 2 beautiful bloggers – Natasha and Elin (aka Selfie Queen). Natasha is a mommy blogger who has been blogging for over 6 years – even longer than I have! Elin is a property agent with a fierce love for writing, meeting people and living life on the edge. Both of them signed up for personal coaching with me, and I have to say that yes, I enjoy personal coaching a bit more as it allows me to get to know each of my students a little bit better!
I love working with women because we have a unique set of issues with regard to blogging, and the way we learn, communicate and experience life is very different from the men. And of course, there are advantages to coaching men too. But first, here are 4 differences I’ve noticed regarding coaching men vs. coaching women:
1) Men like to tell you what they know while women like to tell you how they feel
Male bloggers or gentlemen who wish to learn how to blog are usually happy to share with me about the places they have been to, the number of languages they know, what they have accomplished in their careers, how they think blogging will help their businesses, etc.
My now-famous 67 year old student loves to tell the new people he meets that he worked for SIA previously. I don’t have female students who are as enthusiastic about sharing with new friends where they were previously employed in. Most of the ladies are more eager about sharing about family, especially about the little ones at home.
Women are also more inclined to share about how writing and blogging helps them de-stress, involve them in a community of fellow female bloggers, and how their frequency of posting blogposts is directly linked to their moods. And it is actually true; if I am in a good mood, I can write 5 blogposts in one sitting. If I am in a sour mood… ok, let’s not go there.
It is also true that women struggle with finding the right balance when blogging – “Should I tell my readers how I REALLY feel about today, or should I try to sound positive?” Men have never asked me how much I think they should share (or not share).
And I guess women end up deleting blogposts more often than men do. ;)
-> What to do if you blog based on your moods: Learn to schedule your blogposts. Write as much as you can when you’re in the zone, feeling inspired, and the creative juices are flowing. Then schedule the posts instead of uploading everything at one go. You can even keep some posts as drafts (and your backups) and upload them on days when you are just not inspired to write.
2) Older men are more likely to be punctual while pretty women are more likely to show up late
No, I’m not kidding.
I have noticed that the OLDER the coachee, the more punctual he/she will be. I show up for all my coaching sessions and blogging workshops early. And usually, the older gentlemen will reach around the same time that I do. So I always get myself to the venue at least 15 to 30 minutes ahead of time, especially when I know that I will be coaching someone twice my age.
The younger the female, and the prettier she is, the more likely it is that she will turn up late. It is a given. I once had a model show up for my workshop just in time for us to wrap up. Her excuses of waking up late and all just didn’t register in my brain as I looked at her well-made-up face and I knew she would have been punctual if she had used less makeup and cared about respecting me just a tad more.
Having said that, I do still give them their money’s worth with some extra time. Even if someone is being disrespectful of my time, I do take pride in my work, and cannot have people leave my class saying they learnt nothing.
I used to have one such pretty friend in my junior college days, who once said something along the lines of “Sorry, I’m late, but I’m always worth the wait, no?” Sorry, you’re not sorry. And neither am I that you are not worth the wait, really. We are no longer friends, thankfully. Phew.
My future students, please be punctual ok? Let’s respect each other’s time. :)
-> What to do if you have an issue with punctuality: Decide once and for all that if you are going to sign up for something, that you’ll be there on time. If it is not an event you are terribly interested in, then don’t sign up for it. Set out early, so that even traffic accidents and train breakdowns will not derail your plans to be on time. If you are habitually late, perhaps serve yourself a penalty e.g. buy everyone lunch or a round of drinks – something that will make you ‘feel the pinch’. If you work better with rewards, give yourself a treat (a macaron, your favorite magazine, etc) if you manage to show up on time, or even better, early!
3) Women care more about what other people think
Women care too much, and it sometimes stops them from blogging altogether. If they blog about a friend, and said friend reads the blogpost and is upset, the blogger might just stop blogging altogether, or put together blogposts that are just plain boring and unlikely to make anyone else upset, or interest anyone.
I don’t usually have this issue. I just don’t name the people I blog about. If they happen to identify themselves in my blogposts and are offended, then so be it.
-> What to do if you are constantly afraid of offending people: Understand that you cannot please everyone. And even people you are trying to please may not like you anyway. Live with it. Know what you are blogging for, and who you are blogging for. Don’t blog for the people who hate you no matter what you do, and just write about what you want to get off your chest. Simple as that. Of course, know which things are out-of-bounds e.g. secrets you are supposed to keep, overly sensitive stuff, don’t name-and-shame (if you can help it), and don’t write if there is a possibility of you getting into legal trouble because of your blogposts.
4) Women have to talk about their experiences first before getting down to business
When I coach women, the session usually goes ‘overtime’. Simply because we cannot get down to business till we have gotten certain things out of the way. For instance, a female blogger might need to tell me why EXACTLY she is having trouble uploading blogposts on a consistent basis – maybe even telling me her daily schedule. Some need to explain about how the horrid, horrid traffic (and rain, or accidents) caused them to be late. Some need to gush about how I seem to have achieved so much at a young age (and of course, I have to remind them that others have achieved a lot more at an even younger age).
With men, it is much more efficient. Just a quick introduction – what he does for work, and why he’s starting a blog. And BAM… we go straight into ‘workshop mode’.
Women need to FEEL like they can trust you, and that they like you, and that you ‘GET’ them, before they can dive into ‘learning mode’. (At least that’s my take on things)
And you need to be a really good listener… an emphatic one. Both men and women like to talk. Perhaps men like to brag a little more than most women do. But women have a greater need to feel like someone’s actually listening to them speak. Listening, not plain hearing the sounds coming out from their mouths. ;)
-> What to do if you have trouble getting into ‘learning mode’ quickly: Process those thoughts and feelings on the way to the workshop, NOT at the workshop. No matter what horrible stuff happened to you (bird poo-ed on your head, your car stalled in the middle of the expressway, your dress got caught in the escalator, etc), be present, confident and calm. You can tell everyone at home about the disasters that happened before class WHEN YOU GET HOME. Seize every minute to learn as much as you can. Suspend all negative thoughts about how horrid your day has been and just learn as much as you possibly can, because you paid for this session. ;)
Click on the image below to check out my blogging workshop schedule or email me at gracewwg AT gmail DOT com to arrange for a personal coaching session! :D